he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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