I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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