First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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