I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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