Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
