is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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