dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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