We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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