You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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