This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
