I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
