I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
