You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
