How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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