I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
