this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
