I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
