i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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