Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize