dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
