I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
