There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
