"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
