I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
