Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
