barbara walters just said penis...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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