Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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