You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
