Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
