you turned your livingroom into a bong?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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