we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
