Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
