Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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