i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
