I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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