i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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