So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
