she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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