But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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