The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
