I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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