YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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