guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
