Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
