apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
