Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
