i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize