my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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