I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
