is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
