When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
