it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
