Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
