I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
