I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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