If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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