eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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