Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
