I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
