Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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