Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
smell my finger.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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