you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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