Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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