Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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