He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
