just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
