Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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