We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
