mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
