2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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