Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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