the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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