Is it normal to miss your booty call?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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