Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
