Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
