Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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