I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
