So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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