I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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