Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
