I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
