some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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