is your mom at the bar?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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