If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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