I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
