you will always have a special place in my vag
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
