I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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