Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
