just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
