The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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