Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
