Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
