the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i think my cat just said my name.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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