there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
