I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm like, not good at living.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
