..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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